Ladies, gather ‘round! Let me tell you about the most eligible bachelor you haven’t dated yet – a man so incredible, he’s literally leaving pieces of himself across highways (more on that later).

Reason #1: Multilingual Mystery Man

Not only does he speak English, but he’s also fluent in Portuguese! That’s right, you’re getting a two-for-one deal here. Imagine all the romantic Brazilian soap operas you can watch together while he translates the dramatic gasps and passionate declarations of love. “Eu te amo” just hits different, trust me.

Reason #2: The Human Blanket Burrito

Looking for someone who knows how to get cozy? This man has turned comfort into an art form. Picture this: your living room, two blankets, and one man wrapped up like a premium-grade human burrito. He’s basically a professional at turning any space into a nest of coziness. Dating him is like dating a human weighted blanket – but one that can make you laugh!

Reason #3: Adventure Guaranteed

Some men promise you the world, but this guy? He literally spreads his belongings across highways! Once, his suitcase decided to take a solo trip off the back of a car – talk about spontaneous! And let’s not forget the time he left his suitcase on a bus because he was obviously too busy thinking about world peace (or maybe just peace and quiet for a nap).

Reason #4: That Million-Dollar Smile

When he’s not losing his luggage or perfecting his blanket-wrapping technique, he’s lighting up rooms with a smile that could power a small city. It’s so bright, you might want to keep sunglasses handy. Side effects may include: sudden happiness, unexpected giggles, and chronic heart-fluttering.

Reason #5: Hardworking Dedication

Behind that playful exterior lies a man who’s seriously dedicated. Whether it’s his career, his relationships, or his quest to set the world record for Most Luggage Lost in Creative Ways, he puts his whole heart into everything he does.

Reason #6: Reliable Communicator

As the Vice President of Internal Relations for the Wisconsin Union, he’s a pro at communicating effectively and reliably. You can count on him to be clear, concise, and always there to listen – whether it’s about your day or the latest drama on that Brazilian soap opera.

The Final Verdict

Ladies, if you’re looking for:

  • A multilingual man who can serenade you in Portuguese
  • Someone who knows the true value of comfort (and blankets)
  • A person who keeps life exciting (sometimes unintentionally)
  • A dedicated partner with a smile that rivals the sun
  • A walking, talking adventure generator
  • A reliable communicator who always has your back

Then stop everything you’re doing (except reading this blog post) and consider this magnificent specimen of a human being. He may lose his suitcase occasionally, but he’ll never lose his charm!

Disclaimer: Luggage was permanently harmed in the making of this blog post. Most items were never recovered, the rest may have taken scenic routes to their destinations.